When I was pregnant second time round, my (first) midwife wanted to send me to see a consultant. She wasn’t at all supportive of my decision to have a VBAC.
She didn’t think I should be pushing a baby through my vagina, let alone doing it at home!
Why? My first was a c-section.
It was like she wanted to lock me in a fort with a big red flag at the top. High risk was scribbled all over my notes. Red flag & red pathway were used at every appointment, despite me asking that it be treated like a normal pregnancy unless there were any signs to suggest otherwise.
It seems that was too much. Too much to ask.
Was I being unreasonable?
I asked that I be treated like a grown up, capable of making my own decisions.
I asked that I was treated like someone intelligent enough to make a choice based on fact not fear.
I asked that I could discuss my reasons if I wanted to, and not feel the need to justify them when she scoffed at me.
She rolled her eyes at me. She used that tone of voice that brings back memories of being a kid, when teachers didn’t share my level of self confidence. “Well it’s up to you, but…”
You know what sucks – having a caesarean and feeling like you missed out on having the birth you dreamed of. Being told by the people you choose to confide in, that actually, its silly to feel how you do. When you feel so totally scared that you don’t even want another baby in case the same thing happens, but you find yourself pregnant and it hits you like a tonne of bricks. That’s a pretty bad place to be, but you make a choice to deal with it.
You choose to be open to a different outcome.
You make the decision that you’re gonna have a different birth this time.
You gear yourself up for it.
You study pregnancy and birth books.
You clean up your diet, your cupboards and your headspace.
You are fully prepared to do everything in your power to ensure this birth will be different and you know that stress doesn’t help. But you need to prepare for it anyway.
Prepare yourself for some people to be behind you 100%. Prepare yourself for others to tell you you’re crazy.
Make sure you do your own research and don’t listen to the people who tell you that you can’t.
I encourage you to seek out the people who KNOW that you can.
Develop your own tribe of people to uplift and support you. Or come and join mine.
Whatever you do, make sure that you are supported somewhere. Believe me when I say that I’ve been where you are, and I lived to tell the tale.
I sacked the first midwife, and the one after that. I hired independent midwives who were totally onboard with what I wanted. It was the best pregnancy decision I made. The next best was starting the Facebook group to allow women to come together and support each other. Want in?